10 fictional characters who(se representatives) I would like to, er, wake up next to. This is tough since I don’t watch much TV or movies, and when I’m not behind on the current hot tamales I usually know about them mainly by name. Also, I figure that Hayden and Orlando and Jude and the rest are well-represented on other lists, and I wanted to include deserving folks from off the beaten path. So here goes (in no particular order):
Steve Burton Most well-known as General Hospital‘s Jason Quartermaine. I think he was in a Law and Order as well.
Rupert Everett Rupert played Sherlock Holmes in a recent BBC production. Je­remy Brett will always be the definitive Holmes, but Rupert gave it a pretty good go.
Cillian Murphy Was very appealing as the American-engineer-with-a-past Paul Montague in Masterpiece Theatre‘s production of Trollope’s The Way We Live Now. Bright-eyed boys catch my attention (light eye color is a novelty among my kind), especially when the eyes are set off by dark hair.
Ioan Gruffud That’s “Yo-an Grif-fith,” who played Pip in Great Expectations, Horatio Hornblower, and now Rex Reed in The Fantastic Four. Scrumptious Welshman.
Stratos Tzortzoglou Not sure how to pronounce that one, and he’s certainly not widely known. He seems to be popular in Greek cinema, and he was scrumptious as Orestes in Theo Angelopoulos’s Landscape in the Mist, one of my all-time fave movies. Stratos is a sort that makes me salivate, lubricate, and do other generally wet things.
Billy Crudup I most recently saw him as FH in Jesus’s Son, but he’s done all sorts of things. Another very versatile actor.
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers Jonathan was kind of nice as the kitchen lad in Gormenghast.
Daniel Day-Lewis In Hanif Kourishi’s My Beautiful Laundrette, of course. I like to imagine Kezia and Paddy as sort of like those two.
… and two “frictional” characters That’s eight, and now I have to reach a little to finish the assignment. There’s a very peculiar str8 porn I own (the only str8 porn I own) called Immortal Desire, produced by Vivid. It supposedly won acclaim at the AVN awards, the stroke-and-diddle flick industry’s equivalent of the MPAA awards. The plot (such as it is, and such as I can figure it out) is that centuries ago a pair of lovers, Anna and Gabriel, made a blood pact to be together forever, which assured them eternal life—but not necessarily eternal love, and the couple have been doomed since then to be reborn and seek one another out endlessly. Which of course is just an excuse to show scenes of all sorts of couples in all sorts of settings f*cking—scenes which impose themselves on the current incarnation of Anna as feverish, erotic, midnight dreams, from which she wakes up confused and distraught and breathless, her ample bosom heaving in her disheveled negligée. This film is downright weird. It’s very slick in terms of production quality, to the extent that this actually makes up for the near-complete lack of plot and acting ability that one usually finds in porn. The thing works (at least visually)! It’s also very creepy—lots of occult/voodoo, ultimately in support of some mild kink.
“Tony Tedeschi” plays an incarnation of Gabriel as a WWI soldier in Verdun who, just before he’s blown to bits by a shell, reminisces about the hot f*ck he had with nurse Julia in a field hospital while convalescing from an injury.
Either that head wound wasn’t so serious, or Anna/Julia was an awful primary care provider in that life. I mean, what if he had croaked during that vigorous screw? Then again, liability wasn’t such a big thing back in those days, and you only live—well, forever … okay.
At the end of the film, Anna finally realizes what her dreams mean and who she is, and manages to shack up with Gabriel again, who is played by the very aptly named “Gerry Pike.” There’s no close frame of Anna servicing Pike’s pike that I can show because it’s never entirely out of view.
Of course they had to be taken from one another in their first life (and their subsequent lives), in the usual Faustian way.
One of the film’s oddly refined touches is that it ends with a tender scene of the two lovers before any of this supernatural misfortune takes place.
Thanks, Flipper for making me waste a couple of precious hours of my life! Seriously, I can’t think of a more amiable way to waste time. I guess there seems to be a “type” that I like, huh? I hereby tag anybody who feels like indulging themselves in this exercise, but single out bobg in the hopes that he’s still stomping on the ol’ Savoy and hanging around here somewhere.